So a month ago, a woman filed for divorce in a court in Aurangabad as her husband of two months failed to show his Facebook status as married and not divorced. silly yes…but what is not silly in Today’s world, we are learning to sleep train our 1 year old in keeping with western etic of teaching children self-dependence… .also because psychiatrists say that “loss of intimacy” post marriage will result in divorce… so let the child learn independence right as soon as he turns one, while you make sure that your 30-year-old does not feel left out or lonely…b/c guess what…. he will not be able to understand that the one year old needs a mom more than a 30 year old needs sex….sounds silly yes?
The increasing intolerance, is a way of framing the heightened selfishness that seems to define human relationships, no wonder, more and more people prefer dogs and cats, even in our part of the world. we want what we want and right when we want it….we want time for our careers, time for our bar and wine and time for our social life, and time away from family, and ….suddenly more of us have bought the etic (aaiyooo again..etic..yeh etic kya hai? bhai etic is the external cultural artifact that defines a society) that spending time with family, doing what is needed to all of our wellbeing is not good for us…we are no longer willing to be a part of the we…we are just an I ‘standing alone, tall, brave….and lonely’! as we argue against the spirit that defines human beings – loving, caring, sharing….
ofcourse, at the other end of making humans into machines is the emic of production, after working a 8 to 6 shift, most of us don’t want to come home and do dishes, sometimes even that smile for your adorable little bundles of joy is a bit much…and then to see or perceive rather that your partner is getting away with doing noting or less than you is difficult to take…then we look at the routine of life and unlike the lower orders of life, we are frustrated with being tied to it…we want to break free…and we want to blame someone else and we want to hope that there is more to life, something that we missed out on and we take the lack of concern of the larger community as freedom and as a free society…
We do what we think will bring a better life…we use arguments similar to sleep training….and think of others as an enchroachment on our life, our time, our relationships, …we step out and look away from the relationships, as though they tie us down… and then say “mutual consent” to be free…in this equation, when there are no children, it means a life back to bars, on singles websites, or “chemistry.com” and maybe a couple more marriages…or live-in relationships…with the unsurity of a lifetime, whether we failed or were failed or ..what the hell happened..or a gung-ho attitude of “its my life” and it really is…in world, where single parents are on the rise, people who really care about anyone else’s life are few.
we start our lives hoping for commitments, 50% of us get the commitments from our parents to be there for us, fewer get the commitment from our communities, and we begin seeking sureties and commitments from our jobs, our partners,….and unfortunately we never think of creating them…or building them…
remember chachi 420, kamal hassan as the divorced parent says to his ex-wife “pati patni alag ho sakte hain, ma baap alag nahi ho sakte” …ofocurse the exceptions to any rule are anolmalies, of abuse. it is stupid to undertake the risk of staying with an abusive or a person with mental health issues as they might result in harm to life ..yours and the children…but those so far ….are still anomalies….
The new bill that is supposed to be pro women for divorce rights is missing all the context, b/c then the society and its role would need to be addressed by the state as well. the rights needs to be framed as marriage rights, rights to love, respect, and care, right to not be abused…and even the right to property should be established as right to marriage, not divorce.it is really important to see the context, if we said right to marriage, would be uncool? traditional….framed as divorce, we become modern….global…
the outcomes for women who are divorced and who have children are always framed as child outcomes, which are not that great by the way. The anxiety, insecurity, and vulnerability is discussed less..b/c it is a deterrent…men’s life and future is framed less and less as a householder..being settled or being in an arranged marriage is considered archaic…but checking out people online is cool?
The state is ridiculed for being patriarchal…framed as a limitation on rights….but the state is also in the role of maintainer, and provider, and protector, and if one ever needed those roles….it has to be now! the reforms of personal laws are done using etic emic of other cultures…creating confusion rather than commitment…not everything is colonial or its offshoot..and who are we as a people..do we not retain anything from British rule of 200 years or Muslim rule of 400 years…? one doesn’t break away from the past, just moves on taking whatever is good…our present bring the past and rolls into the future..
the best people to define who we are, will always be us, and the best place for the rights context is our local realities, not global framing of shim and sham..and shimrock from shimmer lands!